Unnecessary Double-Cliquing

I generally mean what I say.  I try for tact, but I have a very hard time doing things like pretending to like people that I don't.  This made high school strained on occasion, but on the upside I didn't often have to deal with people I didn't want to--a least, not for long.

My social strategy

People like to tell you that this ends after high school, the liars.  It never ends.  College is really no different, depending on what organizations you do or don't join, and a lot of places of employment have similar dynamics.  I used to work for a locally owned business where I had to make a point of not sharing my religious or political beliefs, because I was definitely the odd one out.  Now, that's a good rule of thumb anyway, but this establishment went out of their way to employ people with similar beliefs.  I was once made to feel truly awful, because I offered non-religious condolences to a coworker.  After about ten seconds of guilt I was overcome with fury over the completely unnecessary rude response, which made me guilty all over again because of the situation.  That was a fun day.

I couldn't post her picture, so here's something else that is holier than thou.

I'm lucky right now.  The only interpersonal conflicts at my current employer are due to one person who lacks basic communication skills.  This person holds the unfortunate title of manager, but soon I'll be leaving and it will officially be not my problem.  However, I know someone else who isn't so lucky.

A friend of mine is being bullied at work.  Her coworkers range in age from 19 to mid-30s, and are all female.  As many women can attest, fellow members of their gender can be merciless, particularly in groups.  Due to career reasons, my friend can't quit, doesn't have official recourse that wouldn't similarly jeopardize her job, and seems to spend more time just trying to cope with the perniciousness of her coworkers than being able to do her job.  

And I hate it.

They know who I am, and as an average customer I wouldn't be privy to a lot of the details.  Anything I can witness and report would be reported to her direct manager...who is in on it.  The best I can do is offer a kind ear and (usually) a bottle of wine, and this drives me nuts.  These are grown women, theoretically with working brains.  But still, this kind of thing persists.

Okay, end rant.  Begin point.

The more I hear about her situation (and similar as experienced by others), the more I've been trying this new thing.  If I notice something nice about someone, I tell them.  Sometimes the only response is a startled thanks, but it's astounding how often the person seems to just glow from the inside.  It's usually something small, like a nice pair of earrings or a good hairstyle, but regardless, it's always good to hear something nice about yourself.  While I don't extend many compliments to men (cross-gender relations are tricky), I do the same thing for children.  "Wow, you've got really good manners!"  Things like that.  Granted, I work in a toy store.  I have a lot of contact with children, and it's really gratifying when proto-humans treat people and property with respect.  But my point stands.

And, if you're a customer who witnesses workplace bullying, say something.  The victim appreciates it, and the perpetrator won't expect it.  They count on their position of authority and/or categorization in the customer's mind of "not my problem" to make their behavior excusable.  But it's not.